The World's Greatest Hide-and-Seeker

It was probably fairly obvious that I was going to write a rant about this at some point; I imagine some folks are probably surprised I haven't done so sooner. Well, I'd been considering it but I didn't really want to make any decisions until I knew more about the subject, and of course I'm relying on various news sources to stay informed, so my tardiness can be blamed on the newspapers taking fucking forever to release what limited information they have, my lack of a computer for the past week, and also my laziness.

Information about the death of Bin Laden has not been in great supply; all we've really been told is that we should all be very thankful that America killed him, that some people know for certain that he's dead, and the we are not allowed to see any photo evidence. Yup, that's right. I think one of the reasons they stated for this was because "they didn't want to encourage any conspiracies." I'm no expert spin-doctor, but I would say that footage of Bin Laden dying would be pretty conclusive evidence, putting many possible conspiracies to rest; more than saying "trust us, he's dead, no you may not have proof." Unless the corpse is bleeding rainbows or some shit, and it turns out that America is responsible for shooting the last unicorn to death, I can see no reason why this information should be withheld from the public.

As if there was any doubt...

I think one of my favourite things about the aftermath of Bin Laden's death is the interviews. From soldiers to civilians, some scamp with a microphone has been tearing up and down the United States, recording the thoughts of those affected by his death. I have no problem with people voicing their thoughts (obviously I can't be in possession of a blog and condone censorship), but I wish they'd consider them before blurting them out. One accountant in Wisconsin said:

"I feel like a heavy burden has been lifted since he died, as if the shadow of terror had disappeared."

Right. Shadow of terror. Because, you know, I totally remember seeing news reports about Osama Bin Laden stalking the suburbs of Wisconsin. What would he even be looking for? Has he discovered a way to manufacture bombs from cattle and cheese? The last time I checked, no one was certain where he was for about seven years. In fact, talking of "shadows of terror", I'm pretty sure there was more fuckery going down in Bin Laden's backyard to be terrified of than in Wisconsin.

I also rather liked the military response:

"We finally took him down. That's right, it was America who went in, looked Bin Laden in the eye and said 'No more!' I mean I'm very grateful to our allies like.... uh.... Britain, but in the end it was America that made the difference."

I don't even know where to start with this. Just... fucking comb the stereotypes out of that one, why don't you? I really enjoyed the pause while he tried to think of an ally. It put a lot of things in perspective.

I think that one thing is for certain; nothing is any safer than it was before. In the event that America has not killed Bin Laden, and was merely saying it as an excuse to haul ass out of there, I seriously doubt that he's going to pop out of a hole and say "I'm not dead!" because I'm pretty sure he would be about twenty seconds later I think he's more likely to start plotting. Hard. If he has been killed, then I imagine there's quite a number of loosely-linked idealists out in a desert country that are mighty pissed that the U.S. killed their figure-head and are now proceeding to dance all over his watery grave.

British Affairs

With the Royal Wedding (yes, it's getting capital letters) dominating the news for the past week and half in both Britain and America you'd think I would want to make it the topic of my debut blog; I'm afraid that anyone looking for a rant on the Royal Wedding is going to have to be satisfied with the handful of lines I'm going to throw down out of charity.

I really don't care about the Royal Wedding. I can't differentiate between Prince William and Prince Harry on sight, I didn't take part in any street parties to celebrate the union of the future monarchs of the United Kingdom, and the only opinion I have on the matter is a mild annoyance at how difficult it's been trying to find other news in the meantime. I didn't even watch it on TV, and I'm honestly not looking forward to the media being full of speculation about any future children the moment they get off their honeymoon.

There, that's all you get about that. What I really wanted to talk about was this man:

"So is this more or less friendly than Hitler?"

Now if you're reading this from outside of the United Kingdom you might not know who this man is. Actually, even if you do live there you still might want a reminder. This is David Cameron, leader of the British Conservative Party (or Tories as they're also known), current Prime Minister in the coalition government (if you don't know what that means go to wikipedia or some shit, I'm not going to try and explain such a horrible mess) and he's currently in trouble for making sexist remarks towards the shadow Chief Secretary to the Treasury, Angela Eagle.

What sexist remark could he possibly have made to cause such an uproar in English newspapers? Could he have told her to get back to the kitchen? Maybe he demanded a sandwich in the House of Lords? No, I believe his exact words were "Calm down, dear". Fuck me, right? That's some heavy misogynistic shit right there. I apologise if any of my readers are offended by the repetition of this crime against the females of the species.

"Is it because I have ovaries?"

After reading about Mr Cameron's reputation, and just how he came by it, I'd rather not be the one to defend this man, but seriously? Angela Eagle was heckling him as he gave a talk about the National Health Service, David Cameron whipped out his sexist atrocity, and in response she cried sexism. I'm not so much disappointed by her response, I've come to accept that there are a lot of thin-skinned people in this world as well as those who would try and abuse racial/sexual/anythingunderthefuckingsun tolerance to their advantage (although I was sure that the Western world had moved on from crying about sexism); I'm sorely disappointed by those members of the media who jumped to her side instead of telling her to grow the fuck up.

As a collective Western culture we have become absolutely terrified of offending people, in case they should play the PC card (it's not a component for your computer, it stands for Politically Correct card). Instances like this just go to prove my point when I say that this fear is detrimental to the levels of tolerance in this day and age. Once in a while it'd be nice to see someone who cried wolf get eaten.

An artist's impression of Angela Eagle sniffing the air for traces of sexism.